My kid has more chromosomes than yours!

During my senior year in high school I had to do a presentation on Down syndrome as part of my final grade in biology. Maybe some of you don’t know what Down syndrome is so let me tell you. Down syndrome (DS) or Down's syndrome, also known as trisomy 21, is a genetic disorder caused by the presence of all or part of a third copy of chromosome 21. Down syndrome is the most common chromosome abnormality in humans. It is typically associated with a delay in cognitive ability (mental retardation, or MR) and physical growth, and a particular set of facial characteristics. In my presentation I was mainly focusing on children with this genetic disorder. In a little place at the Adriatic coast where I have a beach house close to me live two families with children who have Down syndrome. Both of them are girls, Matea and Lucija. Even though I don’t really like kids, Lucija and Matea immediately stole my heart. They are so precious. Both of them have great and strong personalities. Sometimes they can be very stubborn. Down syndrome symptoms vary from person to person and can range from mild to severe. Both of my little neighbors have mild forms which gives them the opportunity to do a lot of activities. In many important ways, children who have Down syndrome are very much the same as other children. They have the same moods and emotions, and they like to learn new things, to play and enjoy life. Lucija and Matea enjoy swimming, dancing, running around and playing other games that children love. This presentation of mine was mostly inspired by them and is definitely one of my best because I truly put my heart and soul into it. I could go on about Down syndrome and how you can tell if your child has it and inform you about all the medical stuff related to it but instead of that I am going to let you read a letter from a mother whose child has Down syndrome. The letter is aimed to other mothers who have just found out that their child has this genetic disorder. This letter made me cry and be thankful once again for being healthy.

Dear mom who just received a prenatal Down syndrome diagnosis,

I know how you feel.

Except — unlike you, I was holding my new baby, Kate, in my arms when I found out. She was wrapped in a blanket, looking up at me as I cried, listening to the Neonatologist on staff tell me — only minutes after she was born — that she had Down syndrome. And what that meant.

He said that it meant she had an extra chromosome. And that she would have learning delays. He said that it meant she was significantly predisposed to certain medical conditions, including congenital heart defects — and that we should get her heart tested right away. He said that it meant she had low muscle tone and may not be able to breastfeed. He said that it meant she would do things on a different schedule than other kids.

And in those first few days, after hearing those statistics, talking to doctors and researching online, I thought I knew what it “meant” to have a child with Down syndrome. And quite frankly, I was devastated.

And so it is with you.

But let me tell you — from one mother to another — those facts are not what it means to have a child with Down syndrome.

Many of those facts may not even apply to you. Some might, but many might not. I’ve learned this with all of my children. And I never allow generalizations to set my expectations. (For the record, Kate breastfed like a champ and continues to break stereotypes.)

What those facts didn’t tell me about Kate is that — along with almond eyes and slightly lower muscle tone — she would also have my thick, blond hair and full lips. That she’s a Daddy’s girl. That she loves peanut butter waffles and rocking her baby doll to sleep. They didn’t tell me that she’s a nurturing big sister, a doting little sister — and the star in the room wherever we go.

Those facts didn’t tell me that she would make funny faces and dance like crazy to Fresh Beat Band. That she loves to sing. And swim. And go to gymnastics. And unload all of my kitchen cabinets.

What those facts didn’t tell me in all that they “meant” is what she would mean — to me, to our family, to our friends.

I look back on those first days and I remember the feeling of craving normality. I didn’t want to hear how life would be forever altered in some big way and that I would just learn to accept it. I just wanted life to be the way it was before — routine, “normal.”

Will things ever be normal again? I thought.

And then one day — soon — they were. Except they weren’t like before. They were better.

Suddenly, the overwhelming facts and fears faded. Because instead of knowing a diagnosis, I grew to know her.

And so it will be with you.

Because of her life, I have the unique perspective of seeing the best in the human spirit — and not just in her spirit (though she’s quite spirited!) but in everyone else.

In a world where it’s easy to view strangers through skeptic eyes, I have seen an outpouring of love and compassion surrounding her. I have connected to those I wouldn’t have otherwise. I have had strangers stop me on the street — just to tell me how beautiful she is.

The world can seem like a scary place for any child, especially those with a disability. But I have met so many who just want to love her.

I cannot tell you what challenges your precious one might have — just as I cannot tell you what challenges anybody’s child will have, “special needs” or not. One aspect of your child’s life just happens to be detectable by prenatal medical technology. But prenatal testing cannot tell you who your child will be, anymore than a fuzzy, black and white sonogram can tell you how your child will look.

When Kate was just a few months old, I went to Target to pick up some groceries. In line that day, I met the mom of a 19-year-old man with Down syndrome. And when I shared that my daughter also had Down syndrome, her eyes softened and she held my gaze with a warm smile.

It was as if we were both part of a secret sorority and she was an old pledge member. She asked me a few questions and before leaving, softly said the words that I’ll pass on to you here:

“Welcome to your beautiful journey.”

From my heart to yours,

Lauren

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it." Hellen Keller

XOXO A.

:)

Good fences make good neighbors?

“Good fences make good neighbors” is a line of the poem Mending wall written by Robert Frost which I came across while reading something on the internet. The poem is about the relationship between neighbors and more generally about the relationship between people. The question is do we have to keep distant from one another and if the answer is yes, what is the distance we have to keep in order to have a good relationship between our neighbors and humans in general?

First thing we have to think about is, is the wall necessary? In the poem we can see that the author didn’t seem to like the wall, but the neighbor seems to prefer it. The advantage of the wall is that we can limit the amount of privacy one can have. The disadvantages of walls are that we unintentionally distance people from ourselves, and in the process we hurt their feelings. 

However and this is coming from the point of view of the speaker, if we don’t build a wall we will give a more comfortable atmosphere which is nice, but on the other hand should we sacrifice our own comfort by reducing the level of our own privacy? By putting up a wall we clearly establish a border between ourselves, and the world around us, between how much we want to give out to the world and how much we want to take in.

To conclude we can say, yes we need to build fences and not walls. Walls between people provide huge gaps and alienate us from one another, while fences provide us with a level of privacy, which is enough for ourselves, and also prevents us from being too intrusive into other people’s lives.

"People have discovered that they can fool the devil; but they can't fool the neighbors."

Francis Bacon

XOXO A.

About heartbreak and Istanbul....

What is the best cure to heartbreak? I am sure we all have been through at least one during our lives. Some of us know how to get through it easier and faster than others. My friend is one of the others. I am, honestly said, a very cold person. I don’t let things get to me. Maybe it is because I have moved a lot during my childhood that I learned not to get too attached to other people. People always leave whether we want it or not and there is no possible way we can stop them. And why would we? My philosophy is simple; I don’t need anyone who doesn’t need me so if you want to walk out of my life then please do so I don’t need you anyways. But back to my friend, she is going through some serious heartbreak right now and it really got to her. I have never seen her like that. In my eyes she was always this strong and independent girl who didn’t need anyone to make her happy. Now she is just lying in her bed the whole day crying her eyes out. Besides food the best way to deal with heartbreak is to travel, to escape the town for a little while. I, being a great friend, started immediately hitting up places we could travel for Valentine’s Day.  London, Paris, Berlin, Vienna, Prague and all those other gorgeous European capitals started popping up on my screen.  It’s a hard decision not just because we have been to the most of them but also because they are all so interesting in their own way that it is hard to choose just one of them to go to. Then, suddenly, a special offer appeared on my screen. The offer was for Istanbul, the capital of Turkey. A big, bright smile came across my face. I instantly remembered my trip to Istanbul in 2007. That trip was one of the best I had ever taken. 

Istanbul is the largest city in Turkey, constituting the country's economic, cultural, and historical heart. Istanbul is a transcontinental city where east meets west.  Its commercial and historical center lies in Europe, while a third of its population lives in Asia. I wasn’t so sure about going for a holiday to Istanbul because of all the stories you hear from other people like getting robbed in the middle of the street or ripped off anywhere you go. Upon deciding between Amsterdam and Istanbul my mom and me decided that we wanted an adventure, something new and unfamiliar to us and that’s how Istanbul won the fight against Amsterdam. From the very moment we landed on Turkish ground I fell in love with the city. It was nothing like I imagined it to be. I thought it would be very dirty with a lot of conservative people being shocked that I or any other female from our tourist group are not wearing headscarves. I imagined people to be very unfriendly towards tourists and not ready to help them but luckily I was proven wrong. Istanbul is so fascinating. It combines history with future, old with new, tradition with modern and all that in a completely new way. People from Istanbul, at least most of them, are very friendly and open minded, ready to help you with anything you need. What was a little problem though, was their lack of English skills or any other foreign language. I don’t think they speak any other language besides Turkish and if they do, they only know the basics so they can sell you their stuff. Furthermore, Istanbul is a very clean city. Every half an hour you can see someone walking around with a broom cleaning the streets. Rome in comparison is a very dirty city. The city offers much more than what it looks like on the first sight and it is really impossible to see everything there is to it in just a week. But here is a top 8 of must-sees/ do’s while staying in Istanbul:

1)  Hagia Sophia - For Istanbul, Hagia Sophia is iconic. Hagia Sophia was initially built as a Christian basilica in the 4th century, but was destroyed twice before the current structure was erected in the 6th century under the auspices of Justinian I, who ordered a larger church than the ones that had been planned initially. Eight centuries later, the Ottomans conquered the town, and transformed it in a muslin mosque. Finally, in 1935, Ataturk (founder of modern Turkey) transformed it in a cultural museum. Today, the enormous dome (a tribute to the wonders of Byzantine architecture and engineering) and the magnificent mosaics highlight this museum.

2)  Blue Mosque - Unlike the Hagia Sophia, the 17th-century Blue Mosque remains a functioning house of worship. Both its exterior and interior are visually striking. It consists of 21,000 blue ceramic tiles. The beauty of it is shown best while standing inside looking at the sunshine trying to find its way through the numerous windows. That’s when the real magic starts because the huge mosque suddenly seems blue! But there is one thing to keep in mind. The mosque is closed during prayer times and on Fridays. Also, shoes need to be taken off while entering the mosque and any revealing clothes are to be avoided.

3) Grand Baazar - This lengthy, covered marketplace houses thousands of tiny shops selling food, clothing, jewelry, and more. The Grand Bazaar is exotic, colorful, vibrant and a complete opposite of the dull and same-old-same-old shopping malls around Europe and the States.  For bargain lovers, it's a dream come true!  You get to gown to half price or even less. The vendors could seem upset by you trying to lower the price but as soon as you start walking away from them they will call you back and give it to you for the price you want. You will find everything there; you name it, gold, leather, carpets, antiques, furniture, lighting, clothes, shoes, etc.

4)  Topkapi Palace – It was initially the residence of the Sultan and the royal family. In the 17th and 18th centuries, however, the Palace was overshadowed as the preferred residence of the royals by newer palaces on the Bosporus, and finally in the 19th century the Sultan Abdül Mecid I decided to move his residence officially to Dolmabahçe. In 1924, the complex was converted to a museum by the Republic. The interior of the palace is simply breathtaking just like the Sultan treasures including an 86-carat diamond (the diamond is truly stunning, I don’t know which woman would want it on her engagement ring ;)) and the jeweled dagger. Also to explore is Topkapi’s storied harem.

5)  Taksim square - Taksim square is probably the most important square in Istanbul and the heart of the city. It is impressive for its size and it holds numerous restaurants where you can eat traditional Turkish foods, shops, religious buildings and cultural centers. The square, the name of which means division or divided, comes from the statue of the same name.

6)  Dolmabahce Palace - It was the residence of the last Sultans. It was built in the 1840s and 1850s for Sultan Abdül Mecid I, who got tired of residing in Topkapi Palace and decided to move to another palace on the shores of the Bosporus. The palace itself is very influenced by European styles especially the Baroque style. Its interior design amazes the eyes.  Dolmabahce was used by the royal family as its official residence until the proclamation of the Republic in 1923, when it became the Presidential Summer Palace and a residence for Turkey’s first President, Kemal Atatürk. It was here that he died in 1923. It is now a museum that is open to the public.

7)  Egyptian (Spice) Market – The name „Egyptian Market“ is due to the fact that most of the spices were imported through Egypt. It is the most exotic and colorful market in Istanbul and the second largest after the Grand Bazaar, filled with the smell of spice and different foods (sweets, vegetables, fruits).  The smell inside the market is simply unbelievable. It’s like an orgasm for the nose.

8) Wine & dine – Turkey is a country famous for its food. It would be a sin not to eat in Istanbul. I personally wasn’t too amazed by the original Turkish kebab or some other dishes that I ate at a typical Turkish restaurant. But Turkish sweets are a completely different story. Turkish delight (lokum) is a must have. There is a wide variety of color and flavor including rose-hips, pistachios, walnuts and gum mastic. It is found on every corner and even the sellers offer it to you for free to taste it. Turkish desserts are very fatly because they are full of sugar. But they are amazingly delicious. Another Turkish must have is their tea. While waiting at the Grand Bazaar or any other market for the seller to find what you are looking for you will be offered tea. It is for free and it is not polite to reject. As well as the delight, tea varies in flavors. My personal favorite is apple tea. It can’t be compared to any other tea I drank there. To me, it’s a piece of heaven on earth.

I hope this little “travel guide” somehow gave you the perspective on what to see and do in Istanbul. It is really a fascinating city. And don’t listen to people who tell you differently! You will never know until you come and experience it by yourself. It is worth the trip, I pinky promise.

I and my friend really might end up going there again even though we have both visited Istanbul. As they say „ If you visited Istanbul once, you will come again. “ :D

   "The beauty of life does not depend on how happy you are, but how happy others can be because of you."

XOXO A.

Idemo na kavu?

Lately I have been struggling with nostalgia. Nostalgia – a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time. It’s not that I don’t like it here in Graz because I really do. I met amazing people who became my great friends; I discovered new cultures and tried out new things. I have grown so much in these past 4 months. I changed, in my opinion, for the good. Moving here gave me a chance to make a fresh start, in a place where no one knows me. Being able to do this is a wonderful gift and I think that I used it perfectly. Like I said, life here is great but there are times when I really miss my family and friends. Not necessarily the big things like living at home but more the small ones like my mom fixing up lunch for me or doing my laundry or my dad yelling from the living room for me to get up because I will be late again. Maybe, most of all I miss someone, anyone, calling and saying „Bok Anita. Idemo na kavu? “

Say what? I can imagine your faces now while trying to read the last sentence and thinking to yourself „What the heck does this mean? “. Well, it’s simple „Idemo na kavu“ is a way of lifestyle in Zagreb and Croatia. We just LOVE, I mean really, really, really LOVE coffee. It’s part of our culture and our daily routine, basically of who we are. According to a 2009 survey we annually drink 5 kg of coffee per person, that’s 22,500 tons of coffee per year, and we spend 2.25 million hours having coffee each year, that’s half an hour a day per person.  Coffee is such an important part of our lives and that’s why I want to try to bring our coffee culture closer to you and maybe help you understand why I miss it so badly.

In Croatia the café mentality is more than just a cup of coffee, it’s a philosophy. To us, coffee is more than just coffee. We see coffee as glue for making new relationships, keeping old ones, and making jobs done. On simple coffee meetings people can even be hired or fired. Having coffee in Croatia is very different than in the rest of the world because, as you might have guessed, coffee in Croatia is a social function. In a lot of other European countries coffee just serves as boosts to work harder, something like fuel for the body.

In a typical café in Croatia almost all tables are occupied by more than one person. Why? Because people are actually talking to each other while having coffee. Not just sitting and playing with their smart phones, iPad’s, laptops or any other modern gadget, but conversing, hanging with friends. In many European countries, or even in the USA, coffee houses are places where people bring in their laptops or iPad’s and WORK. For them it’s just a place where they are pouring liters of coffee into their bodies in order to be able to work on their projects or whatever. Like what the heck? Croatians would be recoiling in horror if they would see a scenario like this in their cafe around the block. Thinking, you don’t go have a coffee to work! You go to talk, meet, relax a little and enjoy the company of your friend. You simply don’t go to coffee houses to work on your projects or study for your final exams. Here, in Croatia, that’s what libraries are for, duh!? Another thing that sometimes seems shocking to us is coffee to go. You won’t find a lot of places that offer that here.  Putting lids on our coffee so we can go back to work, walk or jog while drinking our coffee, seems like a sin to us. Dude, take your time, sit down and have a cup of coffee. It can’t be that hard! We accept coffee to go only in extreme situations like when you really have an important meeting or exam and haven’t slept the whole night and don’t have time to sit down, but only then.

Oh, another important info about our coffee is that we don’t have varying sizes of it. You can either have a big one or a small one. The small one is approximately 354 ml and the big one 473 ml. This is for us perfectly normal. We will rather go and drink a small coffee twice a day than take a huge one. I love Starbucks; I have this routine to visit Starbucks every time I visit a new city since we don’t have it in Zagreb. But sometimes the coffee sizes they offer are just ridiculous (354 ml, 473 ml, .59 , and .91 liters). What am i supposed to do with one litter of coffee, sip on it the whole day!? That’s just not cool. We don’t do that.

When I moved here, I met in my dorm this great girl. Her name is Victoria and she is from Klagenfurt, Austria. She is such a sweet girl. I am really happy I met such a wonderful person. So one day she comes to my room and asks if I have time for coffee. At first I didn’t know what to say, I was shocked. An Austrian wants to go for a cup of coffee, like real coffee not coffee to go!? I was so excited that I immediately said yes. The real shock was yet to come. We sat down in a cafe in Zinzendorfgasse called „The living room“. Everything seemed perfect; I am with a great friend in a cozy café getting ready to drink coffee, almost like home. She drank her coffee in 15 minutes while I still had a full cup. I was looking at her like she way crazy and she was looking at me like I was crazy. Cultures clashed. I always knew that Austrians are different when it comes to drinking coffee but I maybe thought that she was not like all the other Austrians. I was wrong. Now I am teaching her how to be a real Croatian coffee drinker, after all she is coming to visit me in February; she needs to fit in ;)

To some people our cup maybe appears small but I should tell you that our cup actually has more coffee in it then it appears. Not really, it has a very, very small amount of coffee in it, but in our hands its magic. Nearly endless. We make coffee meeting last for two, maybe even, three hours. THAT’S HOW LONG WE HAVE COFFEE! Two hours are a minimum whereas here half an hour is the maximum. See the difference? You will never ever see a real Croatian sip his coffee in 5 minutes and if by chance you see one then he isn’t a real Croatian! Remember having coffee is not actually about the coffee it’s about the socializing.

Another thing that sets us apart from other coffee drinking countries is that here coffee and cigarettes go together, like in the States peanut butter and jelly goes together. It is normal to see people smoking while having their coffee; even non-smokers tend to light up a cigarette from time to time. But lately this is changing too (us, non-smokers are indeed very happy about it). Since Croatia is joining the European Union, in half a year, laws are changing. Now in almost every coffee house there is a separate room for smokers and the rest of us can freely enjoy our coffee without breathing in the toxic air.

Having coffee in Croatia is one of those things that sets the country apart from everywhere else I’ve been. It’s also one of the most enjoyable aspects of living here. Not just having coffee yourself, but seeing people having coffee is even a pleasure. In summer people are sitting on the numerous terraces that are to be found everywhere around the city, with their sun glasses on, enjoying their coffee with friends. Or in winter while sitting out, covered with blankets and warmed by electric heaters.

As you can see coffee is a big deal around here. It’s a must, it’s not like you have a choice whether to go for a cup of coffee or not. Croatians will always find time for a cup of kava with friends and if by some means you try to reject their offer to join them they might end up being insulted. We love coffee so much that even when you are invited to someone’s house for dinner you bring coffee. It’s tradition!

Now, as I am reading on Facebook that my best friends are meeting for a cup of coffee to celebrate their passed exams homesickness kicks in even more. I can’t wait until finally a friend calls me and says: „Idemo na kavu?“ and I answer like it was the greatest thing in the world „Da!“. :)

"Do small things with great love" :D

XOXO A.