EU individual paragraph

In 2011 the European Commission decided to make 2013 the “European Year of Citizens”. Exactly 20 years ago leaders of 12 member nations signed the Maastricht Treaty removing all barriers to the movement of people, goods, capital and services across national borders, as well as establishing a single European currency, the euro. By signing the Treaty lives of millions of Europeans were affected. To honor this event and the citizen, the one who started it all, the European Commission decided to dedicate the whole year to it. Every citizen of the EU has certain rights and over this year they want to encourage us to inform ourselves more about them. Approximately 48% of Europeans feel that they are not well-informed about their rights and in order to change that the Commission will host various conferences and events across Europe. Besides having rights, Europeans also have responsibilities. In order to be able to understand both, we need to know what the EU is doing for us and what we can do for it and what better way than to enjoy our year?

(181 words)

XOXO A.

"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has"       Margaret Mead

Paragraph brainstorming:

-> 2013 "European Year of Citizens"

-> Maastricht Treaty

-> European Commission proposed the idea

-> Rights and responsibilities we have as EU citizens

-> European citizens can make a difference for they are the ones who started it all

Feedback summary 1 (Topic sentence, Register):

I was given positive feedback on my paragraph. Thanks to my colleagues, Cat and Monika, I was able to look at my paragraph from a whole new perspective. I like getting feedback because it shows me what still needs working on. In my case, it is the commas. I make comma mistakes often. I simply forget that they even exist. I think I will have to read through rules for comma usage. My colleagues liked my topic sentence and the high register I used but suggested to change my last sentence in order to connect better to the rest of the paragraph.

Revised paragraph 1:

In 2011, the European Commission decided to make 2013 the “European Year of Citizens”. Exactly 20 years ago leaders of 12 member nations signed the Maastricht Treaty, removing all barriers to the movement of people, goods, capital and services across national borders, as well as establishing a single European currency, the euro. By signing the Treaty, lives of millions of Europeans were affected. To honor this event and the citizen, the one who started it all, the European Commission decided to dedicate the whole year to it. Every citizen of the EU has certain rights and over this year they want to encourage us to inform ourselves more about them. Approximately 48% of Europeans feel that they are not well-informed about their rights and in order to change that the Commission will host various conferences and events across Europe. Besides having rights, Europeans also have responsibilities. In order to be able to understand both, we need to know what the EU is doing for us and what we can do for it and this is exactly the point of the „European Year of Citizens“.

(184 words)

Feedback summary 2 (Topic sentence, Register):

The second feedback I got from my colleagues was again very positive. My friend Cat pointed out that I should make two more changes in my paragraph. Instead of saying “over the year” I should use more sophisticated words and write „throughout the year“. She also noticed another mistake. In my paragraph I wrote “To honor this event and the citizen, the one who started it all,...”. This might confuse people as they would think that I am talking about a specific person, which I am not. That is why Cat suggested changing it into „To honor this event and the citizens, those who started it all,..“. I am very thankful for the feedback I got from my colleagues because they taught me valuable lessons about my style of writing.

Final paragraph:

In 2011, the European Commission decided to make 2013 the “European Year of Citizens”. Exactly 20 years ago leaders of 12 member nations signed the Maastricht Treaty, removing all barriers to the movement of people, goods, capital and services across national borders, as well as establishing a single European currency, the euro. By signing the Treaty, lives of millions of Europeans were affected. To honor this event and the citizens, those who started it all, the European Commission decided to dedicate the whole year to it. Every citizen of the EU has certain rights and throughout the year they want to encourage us to inform ourselves more about them. Approximately 48% of Europeans feel that they are not well-informed about their rights and in order to change that the Commission will host various conferences and events across Europe. Besides having rights, Europeans also have responsibilities. In order to be able to understand both, we need to know what the EU is doing for us and what we can do for it and this is exactly the point of the „European Year of Citizens“.

(185 words)

Final paragraph-teachers's correction:
In 2011, the European Commission decided to make 2013 the “European Year of Citizens”. Exactly 20 years ago leaders of 12 member nations signed the Maastricht Treaty, removing all barriers to the movement of people, goods, capital and services across national borders, as well as establishing a single European currency, the euro. By signing the Treaty, the lives of millions of Europeans were affected. To honor this event and the citizens, those who started it all(?), the European Commission decided to dedicate the whole year to it. Every citizen of the EU has certain rights and throughout the year they(?) want to encourage us to inform ourselves more about them(?). Approximately 48% of Europeans feel that they are not well-informed about their rights and in order to change that the Commission will host various conferences and events across Europe. Besides having rights, Europeans also have responsibilities(?). In order to be able to understand both, we need to know what the EU is doing for us and what we can do for it and this is exactly the point of the „European Year of Citizens“.

(183 words)

Final final paragraph:
In 2011, the European Commission decided to make 2013 the “European Year of Citizens”. 20 years ago leaders of 12 member states signed the Maastricht Treaty, removing all barriers to the movement of people, goods, capital and services across national borders, as well as establishing a single European currency, the euro. By signing the Treaty, the lives of millions of Europeans were affected. To honor this event and the citizens who make up the EU, the European Commission decided to dedicate the whole year to it. Every citizen of the EU has certain rights and throughout the year the Commission wants to encourage us to inform ourselves more about them. Approximately 48% of Europeans feel that they are not well-informed about their rights and in order to change that the Commission will host various conferences and events across Europe. To conclude, the goal of the “European Year of Citizens“ is to increase awareness and knowledge of EU citizenship.

(158 words)